One of my stark memories as a young boy was when my mother passed out in the kitchen while making breakfast. She's had health difficulties her entire life, and this was another episode of many. This time was different, as my parents made a choice that was unpopular in the 70's. They decided to change our food and lifestyle to healthier, more organic choices. They decided to add more vitamins and exercise to their diet. As an eight year old, it felt like the end of the world to me.

Ice cream for dessert every night. Gone. Cookies in the freezer. Gone. Tasty Amish-Mennonite cooking with flavor and zest? Replaced by flavorless, no-salt, whole wheat noodles with tuna. You have to remember, if you did something like this in the 70's, there wasn't a lot of help available to make this change toward healthier foods and still maintain things that the palate enjoys. 

On the other hand, it was good for me. I learned about life and differences, the challenge of standing alone (and at times it felt like our family was very alone) for one's convictions. But one particular lesson stood out. The standard response in the medical field is to fight fire with fire, poison with poison. Many of the effective treatments we have are about killing disease by taking some sort of drug. An antibiotic is not a biotic. Chemotherapy or radiation is so challenging because it is about destroying the cancer and hoping you survive the chemo or radiation. In the alternative health world, the theory is to focus on building strength. I learned the importance of fortifying your body against disease so that it can withstand all the bad stuff it encounters. 

In recent years, we've seen how evil (in this case, a staph infection) evolves to overcome our antibiotics. We get superbugs. The latest to hit the news is the Ebola virus, and we wonder what will happen to us in the United States if it breaks out here. 

In many ways, we also see this with evil. ISIS is a threat that is in the news, and evil seems to be evolving. Technology increases to the power and reach of evil, whether it is through the technology that is used to kill or to create fear and propaganda. And I would suggest that is the nature of our world, both in anthropology and biology. A mentality of fighting evil with superior, crushing retaliation creates a mutation process that increases the strength and presence of evil.  

That increasing strength is ultimately an illusion. Jesus went around healing people and casting out demons. His power was one of building strength, not superior, crushing retaliation. When attacked for what he did, he asked, "“Any kingdom divided by civil war is doomed. A town or family splintered by feuding will fall apart. And if Satan is casting out Satan, he is divided and fighting against himself. His own kingdom will not survive." Matthew 12:25-26 (NLT) 


In this passage, he exposes the fallacy. Using the crushing force of retaliation is repaying evil for evil. When evil is what returned, evil is not erased. It will seem it is gaining strength. But humanity also gets closer to seeing the power of the Gospel. It is most clearly seen in the midst of the greatest evil. The power of non-retaliatory strength is what ultimately changes the world. It is at the heart of the message of Jesus. It is the power of the cross, it is the reality of the resurrection. We need not fear death and can embrace life. 
-John M Troyer

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“The Spirit of the Lord is on me,
    because he has anointed me
    to proclaim good news to the poor.
He has sent me to proclaim freedom for the prisoners
    and recovery of sight for the blind,
to set the oppressed free,
     to proclaim the year of the Lord’s favor.” (Luke 4:18-19, NIV)

I am poor, imprisoned, blind, oppressed (mostly a victim of my own oppression). I need good news, freedom, healing and most of all, the Lord's favor. The words above are Jesus' words, proclaimed at the very beginning of his ministry. Jesus and justice go hand in hand. The Lord's favor is on all people, and it is our exposure to that favor that we are transformed. This word that Jesus spoke came immediately after the temptations in the wilderness. 

We can find other ways to make bread. We can find other ways to gain power and authority. We can also find other ways to protect ourselves from injury. But the power and direction of Jesus life was unswervingly focused on the Father in heaven, releasing people from captivity, speaking truth, and bearing consequences. Healing, freedom for captives and sight for the blinded was a threat to the status quo. In our culture today, who is threatened by healing?  I love the way Julie Rodgers talks about her life and experiences.  

She is experiencing healing.  Not because she got the broken things immediately fixed, but because her vulnerability and woundedness found a home in God. Now she is choosing not to hide that vulnerability and pretend it isn't there, but live openly and unswervingly in God's favor and God's rest. In her blog comments, some object to the healing she's found. However, she inspires me.  I hope she inspires you.
-John M Troyer

In recent weeks we've encountered a number of things to cause outrage Whether it's the family lives of professional athletes, interactions between police and racial/ethnic groups, or the torture and killing of journalists and Christians in other countries; these events and the pictures and videos that accompany them generate tremendous outrage. Facebook helps provide an outlet for that rage as we comment and share with others.  

And all of these things we encounter really are awful things.  But context matters, not to excuse or condone the behavior of others, but to shape us into the kind of people we are called to be.  Persecution and unjust murder have been part of our world since Cain took out his jealousy on Abel.  John the Baptist had his head cut off in prison and brought to a party on a platter. It is true that technology has made it possible for today'But it is  Jesus' gruesome death on a cross that is the ultimate act that provides the context for our understanding of violence.  It is that death that ultimately shapes our identity.

In elementary school I was a part of mob violence.  I distinctly remember being on the bus and the group around me began to pick on a girl, saying all kinds of awful things to her.  A strange thing happened inside me.  I found myself almost compelled to enter into their rage with them.  The bullying reached a crescendo, and on behalf of the crowd I reached over and slapped her across the face. That immediately brought everything to a halt. She started to cry and the rest of us suddenly came face-to-face with our own propensity for evil.  I was ashamed of what I had done.  Fortunately, I got in trouble for what I did and was assisted by the principal in doing what I could to make things right with this girl.  But I also could never fully repair the damage that had been done.

We are here in this world to correct injustice.  But our effectiveness only comes when we lay our outrage at the cross, humbled by our own propensity for violating others in pursuit of our own agenda (and especially when we think our outrage gives us license to work on God's behalf to set things right).  Because when we act on that outrage against the sin of others, it is ultimately what will make even greater sinners of us.  We lose sight of the humanity of the "other" and no longer look for Christ's love and redemption in the midst of the situation.

Our greatest weapon against sin is our own broken heart that places us fully into a dependence on God.  The beatitudes in Matthew 5 begin the Sermon on the Mount as a clear articulation that God's favor rests with those who mourn, who are poor in spirit, who are humble, etc. We want to be triumphant, to have our tribe be on the right side of life. There is an internal satisfaction, even smugness, that feels good. But its effect is to blind us to our own sin, to cause us to overcompensate in our anger, and to mask the internal pain we are carrying.  

So the next time you see a video that makes you angry, take a moment to sit for awhile and ask God to reveal ways you have also hurt others. Ask God to help you see His heart for the perpetrators you are angry about.  And then, with the radical love of Christ for the all the people of the world, do justice, love mercy, and walk humbly with God.
-John M Troyer

It's amazing to me how quickly Anabaptists will appeal to the state to enforce their version of good.  In our history during the Reformation, we certainly felt the effect when Catholic and Protestant leaders chose to burn, drown and torture those who didn't share their beliefs.  I would think that might have taught us something.

In 1997, I was a delegate at the Mennonite Convention in Orlando. If I remember correctly, one of the resolutions was about supporting gun control.  I was confused about this as a young pastor.  Now, I've actually never owned a gun in my life, nor have a I ever been a member of the NRA.  But why would a group that rejects the use of the sword pass a resolution that asks the government to use its swords to take away other people's swords?  I thought a more consistent perspective would be to lay down our swords and invite others to voluntarily lay theirs down also. Regardless of whether a gun was used for hunting, self-protection, or to commit a felony, asking the government to increase the use of it's guns was not the Christian solution to a problem. Apparently I was one of the few with that perspective, as I was one of only a handful that voted against the resolution.

We are at our worst as Christians when we try to force others to take on our point of view.  And that is true of Christians on both the left and the right.  A book that has had a significant influence on my understanding of government was by Vernard Eller, Christian Anarchy: Jesus' Primacy Over the Powers.  You can read the entire book online.  You will be a better person for it.

True anarchy is the rejection of coercive power, and the popularized understanding of the angry anarchist who protests and blows up buildings is not really what anarchy means.  The path for the Christian is service and sacrifice, laying down our lives for others just as Jesus did.  

Thursday is the 15th anniversary of my father's death.  For as long as I can remember, he would wake up at 4:30 in the morning and go out to his recliner in the living room and read, pray, and reflect.  About two years ago, I started to regularly wake up about 4:30, and I would just lay in bed.  When I started this blog a few weeks ago, I started to come out to my recliner in the living room and read, pray, reflect, and write at about 4:30 in the morning.

My father was born Amish, the fourth oldest of nine children.  He was 18 years old when he and my mother were married, and I am the youngest of their six children.  I grew up Beachy Amish Mennonite, a group that dressed in plain clothes, but embraced most modern technology. I didn't like it.  I didn't like the restrictions, I didn't like looking different from everyone else. My dad and I had a conflicted relationship and I wouldn't have wanted to admit I was becoming like him when he was still alive. As he and I would have our many conversations about my desire to leave their church, he had one line that he often repeated, "John, don't just think about yourself, but think about your children and their children."  And I have come to absolutely agree with that concern.

My father was a carpenter, skilled at building and remodeling homes, offices, and retail outlets. As his sons, all five of us spent our summers working with him through most of middle school and high school.  What most impressed me about him was that the values he taught me were the values he lived. He worked hard, didn't drink or use coarse language, treated others with respect, was generous in helping those in need. He wasn't afraid to ask for help when he needed it. You saw one man whether it was at home, at church, or in the workplace.  It wasn't until I was older that entered the working world that I discovered how rare that is.  I learned that people from all walks of life and all kinds of religious background were often inconsistent in the way they lived their values.  And I learned how hard it is to live that way in my own life.

I think I am understanding better the secret to his consistent faith.  You see, my father and I have the same Father in heaven.  And when my earthly father was sitting in the living room in the early morning, he was spending time with that Father.  And it is this relationship with my Father that moves me to sacrifice my own needs and desires and to begin living on behalf of not just my children and their children, but on behalf of the world as a whole.   It is this relationship that strengthens my inner self to "do justice, love mercy, and walk humbly with my God." (Micah 6:8)  My father lived well and left a wonderful legacy.  Martin Luther King, Jr summarized it well,"The ultimate measure of a man is not where he stands in moments of comfort and convenience, but where he stands at times of challenge and controversy."
-John M Troyer

I took someone's life away from them twelve years ago and badly injured another.  Tomorrow is the anniversary of that day, at 11:45 am.  I had planned to meet Sheila for lunch, and as I drove along, I missed a stop sign.  A man died, leaving behind parents, siblings, a wife and children.  I survived the accident, and I remember every detail of it and the aftermath.    As I spent the next days and months and years coming to terms with what I'd done, I had only grace to fall back on.  I badly wished for something different.  I wanted to pay, to be punished in some way.  I wanted to make it right.  But the worst of it was that I never could.  I had taken someone away from a family that loved him and there was nothing that could fix that.

Some family members agreed to meet with me and offered their kindness and grace.  They gave one wish for me, that I could make something good come out of this in my life.  The congregation I was pastoring gave me time off to heal.  God was with me in that dark time in a way I've never experienced before.   A few months later, I wrote a lament of my thoughts.

"My Lament" by John Troyer

I can’t get any lower and I’m yelling for you God.
Are you listening?

I know you’re listening, because you’ve shown yourself to me before.
All I can do is cry help.

I’m in so deep, and I don’t see any way out of this one.
There’s nothing I can do, no where I can go.
How can I trust you when you don’t fix things up?
You can fix it up, but why don’t you?

But what choice do I have, where else can I run?
Bitterness and anger, they’ll swallow me up.
Taking it out on you will only ruin me.

No, the only choice is to turn to you.
So I’m waiting, waiting, waiting
I ache with waiting, my head hurts...

I’ve learned one thing.
God’s the only place to go, there’s nowhere else.

I have had many moments of grace since that time, and also continuing sadness.  I continue to pray for those who have had to bear the cost of what I've done.  

I also have had to look in a new way at what it means to be pro-life.  Too many times we think in hypotheticals about what we would do if we had to defend ourselves. Would we take someone's life? I would simply say it's never worth it. Eternity is too clear, Jesus' witness is too strong, the choices of the early Anabaptists speak to loudly. Whether it's abortion or war, as a follower of Jesus I cannot actively participate in and support intentionally taking the life of another human being.  I have instead chosen to build life and support life.  If we want to advocate for the innocent, the most powerful response is to speak loudly but do no harm.
-John M Troyer

I took the ice bucket challenge. I care about doing the right thing.  When I saw questions raised about the kind of research done by the ALS Association, I was intrigued.  It was about the use of embryonic stem cells.  In a another post, I will talk more about what it means to have a consistent pro-life ethic.

I found it interesting the way this was portrayed.  Remember, in this case, this is not about public policy, it is about a personal choice to invest money in a particular charity.  People are asking questions and looking for alternatives.  On the side of those looking for alternatives, I found these concerns were raised in a balanced way.  They stated their support and concern for those suffering from ALS.  They tried to understand the current status of the research and found some indications that adult stem cells are the most promising lines.  They looked for alternatives, and found several that were not doing research using embryonic stem cells.

Then the backlash began. There was a Salon article which had a number of inaccuracies.  Mary Elizabeth Williams began by describing opponents as anti-choice, even though they simply wanted a different choice for their donation. Then she stated there were calls to "immediately cease" any fundraising plans for the Ice Bucket Challenge.  Wrong again.  The calls were to direct funds to other ALS agencies that did not do embryonic stem cell research.   Then she used the rest of the article to articulate why the efficacy of embryonic stem cells should override objections, why it should not matter because they were developed in vitro, why it should not matter because all public funds donated to the ALS Association are used for adult stem cell research.  In each case, she failed to truly understand the reason these objections are there in the first place.  And then she ended the article with this advice, "But ignorance helps no one, and if you’re going to take a stand on an issue, at least do your own soul searching and get the facts straight first."

It's too bad she didn't take her own advice.

In my own ignorance, here is where I made my donation, the Cell Therapy Foundation. It is an organization that started in Indiana and is committed to using only stem cells derived from adults.  At the donation link, you can designate funding to ALS research.
-John M. Troyer